From the viewpoint of Islam, a good wife is considered to be the best thing in the world. This accords her a special position, and places responsibility on the husband to treat her according to this elevated position. The role of the wife in the marriage is extremely important, indeed it is the decisive factor.
Wives must do their best to keep their husbands pleased with them. The ideal wife combines in herself three merits; she pleases her husband when he sees her, by taking care to appear beautiful before him; she obeys him when he gives a command; she does not go against his wishes regarding her person or property.
To refuse to go with her husband when he calls her to bed is a grave mistake that a wife must avoid.
When a wife intends to fast voluntarily, she may do so only with her husband’s permission. If she does not receive his permission, then he has the right to make her break her fast when she is observing it. The reason for this is that he might wish to exercise his conjugal rights with her, which he cannot do if she is fasting with his permission.
It is a wife’s duty not to allow anyone, that her husband does not want, to enter the house without his permission. She may not give anything away of her husband’s property without his permission. She should avoid asking a husband for extra money, or for that which he does not possess and cannot provide, and she should show gratitude for whatever is given.
A good wife is one who is true to her husband’s word if he adjures her to do something. On a husband’s return home, a wife should receive him kindly and meet him with a good and beautiful appearance. She should try not to neglect her husband’s needs nor ignore his demands. The more a wife takes care of her husband, the more she will be loved. Most husbands consider their wives care of them as an expression of their love.
A wife should discuss family problems with her husband to alleviate any later problems or misunderstandings. It is for her to hold her husband’s close relatives in respect and treat them kindly, which is a mark of respect and honour for the husband.
Leaving the house frequently is a bad habit for a woman. She should also not leave the house if her husband objects to her doing so. She does not have the right to lend anything of her husband’s property against his wishes. However, she can lend from her own property.
If a husband’s friends enquire about him, a wife should answer them but without indulging in lengthy conversation. Too many arguments and disputes with a husband, heaping abuse on him, leads, in fact, to hatred and deterioration of the relationship. Taking care of the house and running the household are the wife’s responsibility.
If the husband gives his wife permission to go out to work, this should not be seen as a licence to equality. In fact, the issue of also producing income to the households is something which might later act as a dividing factor between husband and wife. If the wife works outside the house, her income is entirely hers to do with, as she pleases. Her husband has no right over it. If she prefers not to work, she must be satisfied with the level of comforts her husband can provide on his income and not pose unreasonable demands on him.
A wife may not give alms from her husband’s property without his permission. Speaking to or telling others about sexual matters between a husband and wife is a grave sin in Islam. This applies to both parties. She should not be afraid to express her love and affection for her husband. It will please him and bind him closer to the family; Moreover, if he does not find an attractive, loving woman at home, he may be driven for solace elsewhere, outside the home.
Leadership in the family is given to the husband. For the wife to demand complete and full equality with her husband will result in having two masters in the family and this does not exist in Islam. However, the husband should not behave in an autocratic manner and misuse his position. He should display love and affection and treat his wife as a partner in life. Marriage is a partnership of love, trust and mutual respect between two people. Its foundations are solidly established by Islam and exists as a sanctified castle, so to speak.
We have listed here the many and varied duties and acts of commission as well as omission by the wife. This does not imply that the husband has no reciprocal duties and obligations. On the contrary, his function within the marriage bond is equally important. However, one should bear in mind that marriage means understanding and behaving tenderly towards one’s partner. It is a partnership of give and take.
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