> Marriage - Fate/Taqdeer

Marriage is one of the things that Allaah has decreed. The person whom you will marry is known to Allaah: He knows who he is, when he was born, where and when he will die, how he will be towards you, and other details. All of that is known to Allaah and He has written it in al-Lawh al-Mahfooz (the Book of Decrees), and it will inevitably come to pass as Allaah has decreed.

If Allaah has decreed that you will marry one person, but you choose someone else, then no matter how long it takes, you will marry that person. But your marriage to someone else is also decreed, because there is nothing that is not decreed by Allaah. It may be decreed for a woman to marry So and so the son of So and so, and he comes to propose marriage but she refuses him, and marries someone else, then he (the second man) dies or divorces her, then she accepts the first one. All of that is decreed, and it is decreed for her to marry So and so the son of So and so after initially refusing him and after some experience or trials etc.

It may be decreed for a woman that a righteous man will propose marriage to her, but she will refuse him and he will never come back to her, and she will marry and live with someone else who is more or less righteous, according what Allaah has decreed.

Because man does not know what is decreed for him, what he must do is to adhere to sharee’ah and abide by its commands and prohibitions, and to seek the help of Allaah and pray to Him for guidance (istikhaarah) concerning all his affairs, whilst implementing the means, one of the most important of which is consulting sincere people who have relevant experience.

If a righteous man proposes marriage to a woman, she should pray to Allaah for guidance (istikhaarah) and agree to marry him. If things then go smoothly, this is an indication that what is good for her is to marry him.

In conclusion, man should study the sharee’ah of Allaah and follow the commands of Allaah even if he feels reluctant, and avoid what Allaah has forbidden even if he is attached to it. All goodness is to be found in obeying sharee’ah. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Jihaad (holy fighting in Allaah’s Cause) is ordained for you (Muslims) though you dislike it, and it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allaah knows but you do not know”

[al-Baqarah 2:216]

The Secret of Happiness!

A man and his fiance were married. It was a large celebration. All of their friends and family came to see the lovely ceremony and to partake of the festivities and celebrations. A wonderful time was had by all.

The bride was gorgeous in her white wedding gown and the groom was very dashing in his black tuxedo. Everyone could tell that the love they had for each other was true.

A few months later, the wife comes to the husband with a proposal: "I read in a magazine, a while ago, about how we can strengthen our marriage." She offered.

"Each of us will write a list of the things that we find a bit annoying with the other person. Then, we can talk about how we can fix them together and make our lives happier together."

The husband agreed. So each of them went to a separate room in the house and thought of the things that annoyed them about the other. They thought about this question for the rest of the day and wrote down what they came up with.

The next morning, at the breakfast table, they decided that they would go over their lists.

"I'll start," offered the wife. She took out her list. It had many items on it. Enough to fill 3 pages, in fact. As she started reading the list of the little annoyances, she noticed that tears were starting to appear in her husbands eyes.

"What's wrong?" she asked. "Nothing" the husband replied, "keep reading your list."

The wife continued to read until she had read all three pages to her husband. She neatly placed her list on the table and folded her hands over top of it.

"Now, you read your list and then we'll talk about the things on both of our lists." She said happily.

Quietly the husband stated, "I don't have anything on my list. I think that you are perfect the way that you are. I don't want you to change anything for me. You are lovely and wonderful and I wouldn't want to try and change anything about you."

The wife, touched by his honesty and the depth of his love for her and his acceptance of her, turned her head and wept.

IN LIFE, there are enough times when we are disappointed, depressed and annoyed. We don't really have to go looking for them.

We have a wonderful world that is full of beauty, light and promise.

Why waste time in this world looking for the bad, disappointing or annoying things when we can look around us, and see the wondrous things before us?

I believe that WE ARE HAPPIEST when we see and praise the good and try our best to forego the mistakes of our spouse. Nobody's perfect but we can find perfection in them to change the way we see them. It is necessary to understand the difficulties and be a helping hand to each other....THAT BRIGHTENS THE RELATIONSHIP.

Atheist vs Imam

Atheist: Can your Lord fit the entire universe into an egg without making the egg any bigger and the universe any smaller?

Imam Jafar As-Sadiq: I would like you to look at the sky, and at that bird in the sky, and at that tree, and at all those people who have gathered around us and now look at me.

Atheist: I see them all.

Imam Jafar As-Sadiq: If Allah can fit all of those things inside the tiny pupil of your eye, do you think that he cannot fit the universe into an egg?

'I understand you need television not a wife.'

A man visited Imam, because he wanted to marry, and requested 'I am looking for a spouse. Please help me to find a suitable one.' The Imam said, 'your requirements, please?' 'Oh, good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, nice talking. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour, if I don't go out. Telling me interesting stories when I need companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest.' The Imam listened carefully and replied, 'I understand you need television not a wife.





There is a saying that a perfect match can only be found between a blind wife and a deaf husband, because the blind wife cannot see the faults of the husband and the deaf husband cannot hear the nagging of the wife. Many couples are blind and deaf at the courting stage and dream of perpetual perfect relationship. Unfortunately, when the excitement of love wears off, they wake up and discover that marriage is not a bed of roses. The nightmare begins.


Many relationships fail because one party tries to overpower another, or demands too much. People in love tend to think that love will conquer all and their spouses will change the bad habits after marriage. Actually, this is not the case. There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "It is easier to reshape a mountain or a river than a person's character."


It is not easy to change. Thus, having high expectation on changing the spouse character will cause disappointment and unpleasantness.


It would be less painful to change ourselves and lower our expectations..

UNDERSTANDING THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

• The woman has a greater intuitive awareness of how to develop a loving relationship. Because of her sensitivity, she is initially more considerate of his feelings and enthusiastic about developing a meaningful, multi-level relationship; that is, she knows how to build something more than a sexual marathon; she wants to be a lover, a best friend, a fan, a homemaker, and an appreciated partner.

• The man, on the other hand, does not generally have her instinctive awareness of what the relationship should be. He doesn’t know how to encourage and love his wife or treat her in a way that meets her deepest needs.

Since he doesn’t have an understanding of these vital areas through intuition, he must rely solely upon the knowledge and skills he has acquired prior to marriage. Unfortunately, our educational system does not require a training program for a husband-to-be. His only education may be the example he observed in his home. For many of us, that example might have been insufficient. Men enter marriage knowing everything about sex and very little about genuine love.

We are not saying men are more selfish than women. We are simply saying that at the outset of a marriage a man is not as equipped to express love or as desirous of nurturing marriage into a loving and lasting relationship as a woman is.

Now that you know WHY men and women cannot understand their respective differences without great effort, we hope you will have more hope, patience, and tolerance as you endeavor to strengthen and deepen your relationship with your wife [or husband].

‎10 Tips on How to Be a Successful Wife

1) Be grateful to your husband. Remind yourself that it’s a tough world out there and your husband works very hard to provide for you. So whatever you do, don’t compare him to other men, unless it is favorably. Let him know that you appreciate his efforts, not just through your words, but also your actions.

2) Be sensitive to his moods, feelings and needs. For example, don’t start complaining or burden him with problems as soon as he comes home; rather, welcome him and make him feel good to be home.

3) Be cheerful and humorous, smile often, don’t feel shy to be affectionate with your husband and make him feel really happy to be around you. Express your love frequently and creatively, rather than waiting for him to do so first.

4) Make sure you serve him the foods he likes, remembering that variety is the spice of life. Try to eat together as this fosters companionship.

5) Dress up for your husband at home. Wear the colours and clothes that he likes to see you in and use make-up, perfume, jewelry - in short, whatever it takes to be attractive to him.
Do things together or at least allocate some time of the day to give him your undivided attention. Be sincere in appreciating him, show interest in his day, his activities, his thoughts and opinions. Give him advice and comfort him when needed.

6) Spend your husband’s money carefully and try to keep him informed of where his money is being spent. Remember not to spend large amounts of his money without his permission.
Show caring and concern for his relatives as this is a sure way of securing a place in his heart. Never object when he spends on them, as this is a source of abundance in provision and increase in life span.

7) Don’t fly into a rage when you have a difference of opinion or he criticizes you. Stay calm, control your tongue and don’t challenge your husband’s authority at that time. Use your wisdom, tactics and powers of persuasion later to try to explain your point of view.

8) Believe the best, not the worst about him. Be forgiving and accept apologies graciously rather than holding grudges and bringing up mistakes of the past.

9) Show respect for your husband by not divulging your private and confidential issues to others, or by complaining about him to people or discussing your marital problems with those who cannot help you.

10) Last, but not least, remember that your husband is the head of the family and as long as obedience to him does not entail any sin, it is your duty to obey him. Allah’s Messenger Sal Allahu Alayhi Wa Sallam said:

“Any woman who dies and her husband is pleased with her, will enter Paradise.’’

(Ibn Majah and Tirmidhi)

sunnah

Life has really changed.
Gone are the days...
Where people used to say
......'Aww your face is so sweet and smooth'.

.Gone are the days
Where it took ages,
To shape my sideburns
And shave all the facial hair.

Gone are the days
Of beauty, charm and attraction
As the beard is now,
A symbol of terrorism and backwardness.

People see me now,
As something strange and weird.
My relatives often make fun of me,
By asking who broke your heart?

My distant friends ask me,
Did you join any terrorist camp?
My close friends at times make fun of me
'Hey man, blades are very cheap nowadays'

Women often ask me,
Why don't you shave that ugly beard
And be like a charming superstar?
You look boring!

I feel sorry for my sisters
As their minds are now totally corrupted
Inside the web of clean-shaved star icons,
As they're the new age 'trend setters'.

But very few know
That I follow a superstar.
His name is Mohummed,
The forgotten hero.

And I have no regrets
As he has taught me,
'This world is prison for a believer
And paradise for a non-believer.'

So wake up,
O muslim youth!Remember our heroes, The Prophets and the Sahabahs
Remember, this world is a testing place
And don't let your senses to deceive you.

So be proud to imitate,
The Prophetic style
For he has commanded us,
'Grow your beards and trim your moustaches'.

And he who loves his Sunnah,
Has indeed loved him.
And he who loves him,
Will be with him in Paradise!

( by a brother Muhammad Jalal Ahmad)